Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
