well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize