I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
