apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
