a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
