Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
