The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
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