My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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