i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
