I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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