Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
