Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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