He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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