I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
