Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize