So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This is the high leading the old right now
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
