dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
