I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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