I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
