I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
