I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
