she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
