It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
