drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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