The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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