I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
