Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
