What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
