can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
