my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There are leaves in my underwear?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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