tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
