Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
