How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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