in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
