I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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