Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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