Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
