Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Life is so much better after having sex.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
