he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
