Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
