True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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