All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
