So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Hippo gnu deer
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
