Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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