Betty ford says i'm here all night
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
