I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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