Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
