goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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