his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
