Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
