I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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