people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
