Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
