he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Everclear isn't food dammit
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
