there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
