idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize