He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
and you fell through a lawn chair
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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