I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
