wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Houston, we have a squirter
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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