is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
