you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
