So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
