who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
mondays should just be called national damage control day
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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