My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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