Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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